


Forever and Always

by Jh3richo



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 13:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jh3richo/pseuds/Jh3richo
Summary: “It's not your fault.” Fareeha said.“I just wish...if I had just been a little faster...”“You can't save everyone, Angela.”





	Forever and Always

_Click._

The spark wheel quietly whispered, producing a tiny flame from the tip of the lighter. The air in the room was still, stale, and so the flame stayed in place, never swaying.

Her thumb left the edge of the lighter and the only real light in the room was snuffed out in an instant.

_Click._

The flame returned. It was as immobile as Fareeha, almost returning her hollow stare. One blinked from necessity, the other on command.

_Click._

Fareeha watched the spark ignite again in silence. Her resting position against the headboard of the bed had become uncomfortable on her back, but she couldn't bring herself to move. Her eyes were heavy with sleep, but it was unwanted.

Sleeping meant dreaming, and dreaming meant nightmares of what happened.

Of endless blood and yelling voices, the loud noise of machines and the sterile smell of antiseptic and lights so bright they hurt her eyes even when unconscious.

Her hand had begun shaking again. Fareeha grit her teeth and willed it to stop, trying and failing to strike the lighter again.

The breath in her lungs was catching, growing painful each time, and her vision was blurring. Her chest was on fire, her stomach churning dangerously and her right arm itched fiercely.

It was all happening too fast. Too fast for her to think. Too much noise. Too much silence. The dark of night was swallowing everything. The pain was too much. Her body ached. Her mind screamed. She was frozen. She was flinching, flickering--

_Click._

And the flame flickered back.

Fareeha kept her eyes on the light and let it sooth her. She traced the shape of it with her eyes and avoided blinking for as long as possible. If she brought it closer, she could feel the heat on her skin and let it crawl all over her.

If it wasn't for her phone chiming quietly from the bedside table, Fareeha would have stared at the flame until her eyes dried out.

Her gaze drifted to the phone, and she stared at it with sullen eyes, hesitating to even touch the device. The past few nights – the past few _months_ – she wouldn't have even hesitated to not answer it.

She turned away from it to stare back at the lighter, unnerved when it flickered at her again. It swayed again, as if urging her. Pulling a face and extinguishing the flame, Fareeha lowered the lighter to study it in the low-light.

It wasn't anything special. Just a cheap plastic lighter that was almost out of fuel.

The lime green cover had a few worn spots in the paint from use, the case dinged and scraped in a matter of ways. It had seen a lot, good and bad days, easy days around the office and hard days on the battlefield.

The lighter was lowered slowly, placed onto the sheets across her lap for the moment.

Fareeha reached over to gingerly take the phone off the nightstand, taking a deep breath before unlocking it.

The inboxes to her email and text were filled with easily over one hundred new and unread messages. Some were from unknown persons, but most were from fellow agents and past teammates. Most were well-wishes or condolences. It was no shock to her considering that she hadn't answered her phone since...

There were one-sided conversations with people like Lena and Jesse, both sending her lengthy texts about current events and day-to-day chatter. A lot of what they sent were things they had already told her during their weekly visits. They probably thought she wasn't listening to them and decided to put it in writing.

She couldn't blame them for thinking that. She never really spoke back. She never had anything to say.

How was she suppose to respond every time Jesse's voice broke during his attempts to reminisce? Or when he would trail off into describing the memory of standing at a distance and watching her body be torn apart, useless and petrified? Or when he'd finally break completely and resort to pleading for forgiveness for his inaction?

One new message caught her attention, and made her freeze as she reread it over and over to make sure she was seeing correctly.

_Angela Ziegler: One New Message_

Every other alert and message was ignored in favor of that one, her heart catching in her throat when she impulsively opened it.

There was no text, no picture, no attached file. Fareeha stared at the screen and felt her heart sink. Angela sent her a blank text. There was nothing there.

It was then that she realized it was a voice message and she scrambled to turn her ringer up and restart it. Her heart was pounding in her throat the entire time, her eyes already growing dangerously misty.

_“Hey! It's me, again! I just wanted to let you know that I'm running a little late, but I'll be there as soon as I can. Something's come up; I have a debriefing in an hour. It's nothing to worry about, I'm sure, but you know how everyone sounds before a mission. Always so doom and gloom with this team.”_

Fareeha sighed and let her eyes close, a weak attempt at stopping her tears from falling. Despite them, she couldn't help her smile when Angela chuckled and continued.

_“I hope you're taking care of yourself while I'm away. And staying out of my sweets! I'm serious, Amari. I will hunt you down if you break into my chocolate!”_

She laughed along with Angela and could imagine her smile and twinkling eyes as she did so.

“ _But, I do have a surprise for you! And don't even think about asking Jesse, I've sworn him to secrecy. You'll have to wait until I get back, of course, but I truly think it will be worth it. I can't wait to show you; I think you'll really like it. Oh, and I have decided that we are definitely taking a vacation this fall. I'm thinking Canada again. I really enjoyed our last visit, didn't you?”_

Nodding along, Fareeha grinned as she recalled their last trip. They stayed in her father's cabin in the mountains for two weeks. That was the time she took Angela ice fishing. The look on Angela's face when she pulled a huge fish was one Fareeha would never forget.

There was a pause and Angela sighed, the smile in her voice vanishing, “ _I miss you. More than words can say. I wish I was there with you.”_

Fareeha's throat closed up and she nearly replied to the recording. _'I wish you were too.'_

_“I can't wait to see you again. It won't be long now, I'm sure. Oh! And make sure you water the plant in the kitchen! I know you hate him, but please try not to kill my darling boy. If you're really sweet, you'll re-pot him while I'm away. Actually scratch that, I'll do it when I get back. It's not that I don't trust you Fareeha, but you do have a knack for killing most plant-life and I'm not willing to risk it!”_

The smile returned to her face for a brief moment before vanishing again at Angela's parting words.

_“I know I say it a lot, maybe too much, but I am so lucky to have you. I love you so much, Fareeha. Forever and always. I'll see you soon, darling. I love you.”_

The recording clicked, ending the message and leaving Fareeha with her phone still pressed to her ear.

The silence was deafening, threatening to consume everything again and drown her in the darkness.

As she released a low sob of anguish, Angela's voice chirped in greeting again back at her. And they stayed like that as the message replayed over and over.

Tears blurred Fareeha's vision as she listened to Angela talk about her fern for the third time. They stayed in her eyes as her wife ended again with the same heartwarming 'I love you'.

Everything about the message was too much and yet not enough.

It hurt, both her chest and her head. A vicious pounding right behind her forehead grew from all her crying, and she swore her heart was breaking with every loop.

It strained, both her ears and her mind. Every word was taken as if gospel and every background noise cataloged as she tried to picture the full scene in her mind.

It became too much after some time, and Fareeha let herself sink further into the bed and into the darkness. She let sleep win her over, but only with Angela's voice guiding her to it.

The dim glow of sunrise peaked through the small gap between the curtains, falling right across her pillow and into her eyes. It was as if the outside world had decided to take on the task of waking her and, in her sleepy haze, Fareeha could hear the hushed voice.

_“Wake up, sleepy head.”_

So she did, pushing the blankets and sheets off herself and sitting up to rest against the headboard again. Fareeha rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with one hand.

Her phone was still pressed into the pillow, the battery long since dead, and reflected her pained expression. Beside where she slept and still atop the sheets, the lighter rested on the other side of the bed.

The sight of it brought more tears to Fareeha's eyes, but, like she had done with the sleep, she pushed them away with her fingers.

_'No more crying.'_ She decided.

Fareeha moved to leave the bed, slipping into a pair of house shoes and forcing herself to stand on shaking legs.

It had been so long since she last rose with the sun, had even seen it or felt it on her skin directly. She wouldn't have even woken up, wouldn't have considered leaving the bed or the room, but something was different today.

Her phone was left in it's resting place, untouched and unwanted, while the lighter was brought to reside in her sweat pants pocket. The door to the bedroom opened with a soft _click._

Fareeha flicked the lights on and looked around their apartment in search of her target. Shuffling into the kitchen and pulling a cup from the shelf, she filled it with water from the sink and turned to face the large fern sitting by the refrigerator.

She knelt beside it as she poured it it's water, studying the slightly browning leaves. When she was finished, Fareeha put the cup back and made a mental note to purchase a new pot and more soil.

The TV was turned on for background noise as she returned to the bedroom to find a change of clothes and wash up. Her old routine was easily completed with one hand up until she began trying to dress herself.

Fareeha cursed quietly as she struggled to pull the shirt over her head, finally getting it halfway on and taking a break to catch her breath. She glared at the stump where her right elbow used to be and bitterly watched the remaining appendage raise uselessly.

Gritting her teeth and finishing getting dressed, she opted to pull on one of her old hoodies. It was the one she wore home from the hospital, she noted, as the unneeded sleeve had been carefully tied. Thinking it would be easier to get on than the shirt was a mistake and she cursed louder this time at her fumbling.

A giggle from the other side of the room caught her attention and Fareeha glanced up with a tight glare. “It's not funny, An.”

Angela, fully dressed and already wearing her usual white coat, watched her struggle from the bed and hid her smile behind a quick hand. “Me? Laughing at you? I would never, darling!”

The frustration melted away in an instant and Fareeha grinned as she finally got the hoodie on. Just the sight of her wife brought relaxation and peace of mind, something greatly needed and appreciated.

She moved to put her shoes and socks on, waving Angela away when she tried to step in and help. “I have to learn to do it on my own somehow, right?” She said with a sorry smile.

“I wish you didn't have to learn at all.” The blonde murmured, her eyes staying locked on the empty sleeve.

“It's not your fault.” Fareeha said while looking to her wife.

“I know, I know. I just wish...if I had just been a little faster...”

“You can't save everything, Angela. You did the best you could.”

Angela hummed in agreement but wouldn't look Fareeha in the eye, still stuck on her lack of an arm. It wasn't until the dark-haired woman left the bedroom and started towards the door that she spoke again. “Where are you going?”

Fareeha unlocked and opened the door, taking a step out into the growing sunlight of morning and squinting. “You had a surprise for me, remember? I think I've waited long enough, don't you?” She held the door open for Angela and the two fell into an easy stroll.

The dewy grass glimmered slightly, the air still and quiet as the world around them began to rise for the day. It normally wasn't this quiet at the apartments on base and Fareeha relished the moment.

“It isn't much of a surprise now,” Angela huffed irritably, “Jesse told you already.”

Fareeha chuckled and replied, “But I still haven't seen it. I figured if anyone would want to show me, it would be you.”

“I do, but I just wish I could have been the one to tell you. It was my idea after all.”

They walked in silence, enjoying the peaceful morning air and each others company. Fareeha's hand made it's way into her pocket and she pulled the lighter out, glancing down at it thoughtfully. Her thumb came to rub at the spark wheel mindlessly but never striking it to ignite a flame.

“I hate that old thing.” Angela lamented without looking at Fareeha, “It's a bad habit I'm glad to leave behind.”

Fareeha hummed in agreement but kept the item in question in her hand. “I never really minded you smoking. I always thought it suited you.”

“Like how loudly playing the guitar always suited you when you were stressed?” Angela teased, brushing her bangs out of her eyes and mentioning, “You should play again sometime. I miss hearing you.”

“When you find a one-armed guitar you let me know.” Fareeha replied bitterly, putting the lighter and her hand back in her pants pocket to hide her trembling fist.

“And when you decide you're ready for that new arm, you let _me_ know.” The blonde scoffed back. She paused and corrected herself, “Well, you let _Torbjörn_ know. It's his design and craftsmanship. You should really go talk to him about it later, I'm sure it would make tying your shoes much easier.”

Fareeha snorted but smiled. “Yeah, because tying my shoes is what really bothers me.”

Their comfortable silence returned, content to leisurely stroll side by side down the sidewalk and observe the world around them. A few other early risers had begun leaving their own apartments for morning jogs or long days in offices. Many couldn't help but look twice upon realizing who was outside for once. Fareeha ignored the eyes on her, choosing instead to watch her feet and will her face to stop flushing.

Her wife muttered curses at the obvious voyeurs and glared harshly back at them. Fareeha smiled weakly at the attempts. Typically, the icy glare of the doctor was enough to send hoards of people running with their tails between their legs, but not this time. They just kept staring right past Angela and straight at Fareeha.

“Are you considering retirement?” Angela asked in a gentle tone. It was an obvious distraction, but a necessary one.

“Maybe,” Fareeha sighed, “I don't really know.”

There was a pause before the blonde softly mentioned, “You know you don't have to fight anymore. We won, we don't need a strike team anymore. Talon is gone and in the past. There isn't any need for you to be a soldier anymore.”

“I know. But I don't know how to be anything else.”

“Yes you do. You know how to be gentle and kind – it's all you truly are, Fareeha. And you deserve a better life. One that doesn't put a weapon in your hands all the time.”

The dark-haired woman chuckled at this and wistfully commented, “You sound like Mum now.”

Angela laughed lightly, shaking her head. “You know, years ago I would have been insulted.”

Fareeha smiled along with her, her eyes drifting to the slowly bluing sky above them. “I think she'd agree with you on that one.” Her smile waned slightly as she mused, “I wonder what she'd think if I could tell her that _you_ of all people built a statue of her. I bet she wouldn't even believe me.”

“No, I doubt she would.” Angela agreed, “She was a proud woman, but never a vain one. I think she'd have been embarrassed by it. You're both very similar in that fashion, very intent on making yourselves loud and noticeable but shying away from acclaim.”

“Yeah. It's...weird.” Fareeha confessed faintly, “I've lost and found her so many times now that I still don't know how I feel. Or what to do. She's really gone this time...and just saying it out loud doesn't make it feel any more real.”

“You miss her because you had so much more to say to her. But you also _don't_ miss her because of how she disregarded your feelings for so long.”

“Yeah.” She agreed curtly, her throat sticking together. Angela stepped closer, weaving her arm through Fareeha's and leaned against her. The gesture, made to comfort, was practically useless by the fact that Fareeha couldn't properly feel the weight of Angela's head on her shoulder.

The tears threatening to spill grew deadlier with each step they took. She yawned loudly to combat them, stretching her shoulders to pop her back before slumping back into herself.

“Tired?” Angela asked with a pointed look.

“Very. I don't remember the last time I actually slept. What I got last night was nice, but I think I need about eight more hours.”

Angela stepped ahead of her and looked to her with a remorse while saying, “I know a quiet place we can go to.”

Fareeha let herself be led down a new pathway, approaching the gardens of the Watchpoint and craning her neck to take in the large topiaries and towering trees. The flowers were far past bloom, winding along the pathway and bringing colour to the shaded area.

The sound of running water grew louder as they turned more corners, Angela always just far enough ahead to be out of sight. Fareeha walked faster to keep up, about to call out to her to slow down when she turned one last corner and stopped in place.

The courtyard wasn't very big, surrounded by tall hedges and ringed in a mixture of daffodils and white tulips. The fountain at it's center wasn't anything particularly special, a simple pool with a few spouts that gently streamed water.

But atop the fountain, and the sole focus of Fareeha's attention, stood a statue.

It was surreal, almost too perfect to be considered alabaster, and beckoned her closer with it's extended hand.

The wings were spread as if in mid descent, a sight overly familiar to her. The suit, sleek and empowering, was as pristine as the memories of it in her mind. The headpiece, perfectly framing the perfectly carved face that looked at her with that perfect smile, brought her to tears.

Fareeha walked closer to it, standing before the hand outstretched to her, reaching in earnest and offering help as always.

“It's beautiful, isn't it?”

Angela came to stand next to Fareeha, close enough that their sides should be touching. Fareeha was unable to take her eyes off the statue and unable to form words, not caring as her tears slid down her face.

“It is beautiful.” Fareeha whispered in agreement, “It's so beautiful.”

“I'm glad you think so. They built it for you, after all.” The blonde turned and looked to her wife sadly, “When I first talked about erecting a statue for all of the former members, I only had in mind the 'heroes' of Overwatch. Jack, your mother, Reinhardt, Torbjörn, even Gabriel.” Angela stepped closer to the statue of herself and admired it while saying, “I never expected the others to do something like this for me.”

Fareeha wiped her face with her sleeve and said, “You deserve this and so much more, Angela. You were a hero of Overwatch. You still are.”

“No, not anymore, I'm afraid.” Angela murmured to herself, “Like I need to remind you of that anyway.”

“I'm sorry.” Fareeha choked out with a new sob, “I'm so sorry, Angela. I should have been there I-I should have done something I—”

“Darling, you can't blame yourself. You...” She look to her wife over her shoulder, her smile sorrowful as she said, “...you can't save everything.”

“I couldn't save _you._ ”

“No one could. Not even myself.”

Fareeha lowered her head and whispered, “I...I just wish that you were here.”

“I am.”

Angela stepped back to stand beside Fareeha again, their eyes meeting as the blonde spoke. “When I proposed to you, I told you that it wasn't because I was afraid of losing you. It was because I couldn't bear to be _without_ you. I missed you as much as you missed me while I was away. But I knew I still had you, and that you were still mine. And that was enough for me. Just knowing and remembering how much you loved me was always more than enough for me to be happy.”

She paused, choosing her next words carefully and slowly continuing. “Fareeha, I think...we both knew I wasn't going to come back from that mission. And that's okay. We had a responsibility. We both knew the risk, and we both knew that we had to try. I don't regret that.”

“I made so many mistakes in my life,” Angela said with a mournful smile, “and you know all of them. But that mission is not one of them and you know that too. I was doing what I could to help those who needed it. I tried, because that's what a hero does. And that's what you thought I was: a hero.”

Fareeha couldn't look away from her wife's face no matter how difficult it became to. She swallowed thickly and said in a frail voice, “I don't know what to do now.”

“Yes you do.” Angela stepped closer and caressed Fareeha's cheek lovingly, “You've always known. You just need to try.”

Sighing deeply and letting her chest heave on a sob, the dark-haired woman nodded slowly. “I will,” She agreed, “for you. Forever and always – like you always said to me, right?”

Angela smiled brightly and took a step back, her own eyes glimmering with tears. “Right.”

“Fareeha?”

The soldier wiped her face on her sleeve and turned around, watching Jesse come to a halt at the entrance to the courtyard and take his hat off his head. “Who're...who're you talkin' to?”

“Just...” Fareeha faced the memorial again, glancing to the side to stare at open air once before looking back to the stone face. “...Angela...”

He approached slowly, keeping the worn cowboy hat pressed against his chest and his eyes on the statue, clearly as enchanted with it as Fareeha had been.

“I, uh,” Jesse started, his voice already wavering, “I tried knockin' earlier and found the door unlocked. Got a little worried, can't lie. Other folks said they saw you comin' this way and I...I figured you'd be over at Ana's. I didn't think you knew about this one.”

“I didn't.” Fareeha replied, “I just started walking and ended up here.”

The two fell into silence, a slight breeze picking up and carrying fallen flower petals across the concrete beneath them.

Jesse sniffed and wiped his eyes, reaching into his pocket for something and croaking out, “I-I can't ever even begin to...I never expected or...” He hunched into himself with a sob and choked out, “I'm so sorry, Fareeha. I should've been there, if I hadn't'a been...if I had been quicker--”

“Jesse, it's okay. She wouldn't blame you or anyone for what happened. She just wanted to help, and she was exactly where she wanted to be.”

The cowboy's hand extended out to her, holding a golden wedding band between shaking fingers. “I didn't know when to give it back to you. I kept it all this time. I couldn't...I couldn't stand hurtin' you any more.”

Fareeha took the ring from him and studied it with a sentimental smile and fresh tears. “I pushed her so hard to get one.” She reminisced, “She just wanted to sign papers and be done with it.”

Jesse barked out a wet laugh. “Ya'll did just sign papers! No one knew for three months! Lord, the look on your mother's face when she found out ya'll didn't have a proper ceremony...”

The ring was carefully placed in her pocket, colliding with the lighter as it went. Fareeha pulled the item in question out and turned it over in her hand, running her thumb along it's side while considering it.

“Whatcha got there?”

“It was Angela's. She hated this thing so much. And honestly...so do I.” Fareeha held it out to Jesse and said with a lopsided smile, “Do us both a favor and take it?”

“I remember this old thing,” Jesse mused as he took it, “lot of good memories with it. I didn't think she still had it. Y'know this lighter is from way back when, the first round of Overwatch, right? We'd sneak off and smoke and drink together...it was how we became friends.”

Fareeha smiled at the information and pushed McCree's hand closer to his chest. “Then I'm sure she'd want you to have it.”

They shared a mutual smile at this. “I don't think I'll ever get tired of lookin' at this thing.” Jesse wistfully said towards the memorial.

“Me either.” The dark-haired woman put her hand in her pocket to turn the ring over in her hand.

“So, what're you gonna do now?”

Fareeha let the ring go and sadly smiled back at the statue. “I'm not entirely sure, but I have a few ideas. Is Torbjörn still on base?”

 

 

 She stood just outside the door, hesitating to open it or even look at it for too long.

The weight in her hand wasn't as heavy as the weapons she previous touted, but the implications of it felt like the weight of the world. Her thumb brushed against the grip, much smoother and softer than she was used to, and Fareeha let the motion calm her.

The suit itself did little to slow her down, if anything it made her feel more fluid and free. But the thought of it, of all of this, threatened to bury her in the ground.

All it took to ease her worries and change her mind, was a quick touch to the ring around her neck. The simple chain holding it twisted around her fingers as she felt the familiar curve of the ring, a bittersweet smile gracing her lips.

She squared her shoulders, set her jaw and summoned all the courage she could before taking the last step towards the door.

Her hand – her _new_ hand, sleek and freshly polished beneath the sleeves and gloves of her suit – rested against the door panel gingerly to unlock it.

The door slid open at her touch, Athena's voice announcing for her, “ _Welcome, call-sign, Pharah._ ”

“Fareeha!”

“There she is!”

“Hey there!”

“Woo! Cap's in the house!”

She couldn't stop her smile even if she tried at the various voices greeting her, walking into the room without any preamble.

Tracer had already started towards her by the time she fully entered the room, stopping mid-stride and taking in the sight before her. “Oh...” Her voice broke instantly, hands clasping over her mouth and tears welling in her eyes.

Fareeha looked around at all the similar expressions her entrance garnered. She rolled her shoulders and let the wings on her back extend in presentation. Her voice was soft and tinged with sadness as she asked, “What do you guys think of the Valkyrie Mark VIII?”

“It's perfect.” Jesse answered first with zero hesitation.

“Wow...” Lucio breathed.

“I noticed that the mission statement said we'd have two medics with us but I wasn't expecting this.” Genji quietly admitted.

“You're not...leading the team anymore?” Hana asked in a whisper.

“No, not anymore. I've had enough of that for a lifetime. Besides,” Fareeha spoke with a growing grin, “the world doesn't need soldiers anymore. But it could still use a helping hand.”

Lena sniffled and rushed forward to hug her. “Oh, Fareeha, you look so beautiful. I know Angie would be proud, too.”

“Thank you, Lena. She left a lot of work behind that someone has to finish. I just hope I can do right by her.”

Winston raised his glasses slightly to clear his eyes before raising a tablet and saying, “I hope we all can. Well, I guess we should try that introduction one more time then. Athena?”

Fareeha let her eyes close to hide her own tears, sighing and forcing herself to lift her chin as the voice overhead tried again.

“ _Welcome, call-sign, Mercy._ ”

 


End file.
